First of all, I'd be fine if you don't read this post, I just want to type this out, and not think about it anymore.
And now, without further ado, I shall start bitching relentlessly.
I've always felt like there was a...rift between society and myself, but there have been times when it feels almost unbearable. 6th grade was probably the worst, I was surrounded by friends, but I felt as though I had been all alone. It's always made me slightly depressed when it's at its worst.
I'm at the 'worst' stage again. I feel it most at lunch, and everyone is having a grand old time (I'm going to quote
Titanic here) meanwhile, I feel like I'm standing in a crowded room, screaming at the top of my lungs and no one even bothers to look up. And when I feel like this, I get angry and sad, and I start cutting myself off from everyone because I feel as if no one cares.
Like the other day, at lunch, I walked outside, and my other friend, we'll call her, Amy Lee, wanted to see the book I'd brought to show her, and the other friends I had been walking outside with didn't even notice I was gone.
In the mornings, my friends don't even talk to me anymore, and I think I'm going to follow the example of my favorite book:
All that crap you hear on TV about communication and expressing feelings is a lie. No one really cares what you have to say.
And those of you who have read the book know what's coming. I'm going to try it. Honest to blog.
And then, everyone can't make anything better, they have to go around saying, 'Oh, well, my family is short on money and blah, blah, blah, de blah, blah, blah.' Have you people not heard that we're sinking into the second Depression? Well, we are, NO ONE has lots of money, we're all running out.
And then there's the, 'Well, you [insert something I said or did here] and that's just [insert adjective describing how I'm just such a horrible person here]' Well people, this may come as news to you, but you all hurt me too. And not just every once in a while, but all the time.
And of course there's the '[Insert not-really sad event here] happened to me, why aren't you sympathetic?' Well you dumb ass bitches, first of all, I don't care if something like that happened to you, it's not sad, it's just pathetic. And second, you all need to get over yourselves, I don't give a rat's ass if something like work ending, or not finishing your homework because you had work the day before.
That's the worst, 'Oh, well I had to work, so I didn't get to do my homework.' DO I LOOK STUPID TO YOU? I know people who have worked there before, and they even worked there this last Halloween season, and yeah, they didn't work during the week. Somehow, I just can't find sympathy for you bitches.
Now, I may sound like I'm coming off a little harsh, but I'm not really. I mean, none of you were there for me when my cousin died, or my neighbor, or when my cat got really sick. And no one notices when I'm sad.
In fact, when I'm sad or hurt, that's when you all choose to tear me down.
And then, there's this guy, and I'll call him...Da Di Di, so, I was talking to Da Di Di last night online, and he noticed that something was wrong when he's only known me for like a week, but my group of 'friends' who have known me for years, won't notice until I post this. Now, I know that a lot of them, (Rose, Barty, Alice, etc.) I talk to for maybe 20 minutes a day. And sure, some of them I'm happier around, simply because they actually feel like friends, not just groupies, or worshipers.
Which is another thing, I have friends who make me feel like God, I swear it on my books and tunage, it's like, I'm not equal to them, but I'm a deity that they must follow. Hate to break it to you, but I'm not Kali, or any other deity, hell, I'm not even Jesus, so JUST STOP! I'll be fine if for once, instead of worshiping me, you walked with me as an equal.
I know that I say, 'Worship me?' or something when I give pencils, but you see, there's this thing called a joke, and then there's this other thing called sarcasm.
I'm sick of your shit people. And every time you say 'I'm sorry' it just makes it worse. You have no idea how it hurts when you do these things, and I hate to break it to you, but 'sorry' doesn't quite cut it.
When I read people's posts, or e-mails, or I hear them talking, whenever I notice that they're talking about me, believe it or not it hurts. It really does, and I'm just going to say 'FUCKTHEWORLD' and leave you all wherever it is that you think you are up there on your high horse that makes you so much better than I am.
I'm sick of it,
Shigure's Carma
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